Growing up.

Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magical and most boys don't live up to your expectations. But there are times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between them, that make growing up worth it.

Passionate Faith

Today on my way home from work as I drove down the highway, I stopped at a red light. I turned to look out my window and saw street evangelists lining the road with their Bibles and signs quoting scripture, screaming at the public to turn to Christ. As I drove away I started to think about how that probably wasn't the best way to witness to people and win them for Christ. No sooner had the thought entered my head that another one immediately followed. It was like God was saying to me, "Rachel these people are so passionate about Me and are willing to be ridiculed and made fun of for My name sake. What are YOU doing for Me, to win people for the kingdom, where is your passion"? Ouch! What a reality check! What was I doing for Christ?! Though personally, street witnessing may not be my calling, I have such an opportunity everyday to let the love of God shine through me. At work, it is so easy to get into a bad mood and have a not-so-Christian attitude. However, being a child of the kingdom, I am held to a higher standard to set the example, to be the light in a place so overcome by darkness. Seeing those people on the street today brought me back to reality; a call i really needed. I encourage you to live everyday with that passion for Christ, that absolute, all-consuming desire for the cross. After all, He had such unconditional love toward us while we were still unwilling to hear, like so many of those people driving by. The Lord, like those street evangelists, is screaming at His people to turn and run to Him. So what will we do; will we just drive by? I encourage you to step up wherever you are in everyday life and take advantage of your situation. You never know what might happen.

Wrap it up.

Well, it ended.

California in all its Murrieta glory was over in an instant; February through April came and went. By the time May rolled around, I was ready to get home. I was missing that gulf coast part of me, and I never thought I would. The choice to go to CCBC wasn't made because I was yearning for the Lord or even because I thought it would be fun. I decided to go because I thought it would make my parents happy. The thing is, I never thought it would change my life in all the ways it did. Looking back to that cold January day when I first set foot on that campus, I had no idea what God had in store for me. Over the next 3 months i would come to realize so much about who I was as a person and who God was as my savior.

Through brokenness and heartache, I learned that it's not about what I was doing with my life or what profession I would choose, it was about one thing and one thing only. All that the Lord cared about was my heart. In classes I finally acquired that "revelation knowledge" that allowed me to see all the Lord had done for me and how much He really loves me. Things that I had "known" all my life suddenly clicked. It's like I was waking up for the first time and I couldn't get enough of life. I know now that the things that I have done don't define me and that I am not my past. I know that I am made so perfect in the sight of the Lord and that He sees me as such because He has washed me of everything I have ever done. I understand now that condemnation is not a trait of God and that He has already buried my crimes. I can rest assuredly in the truth that my salvation is secure and my name is written in His book. I can now rely on the undeniable fact that I am covered by grace because of His sacrifice.

I've made so many bad choices in my past; knowingly turning from good and choosing to do wrong. I won't get into it, but the list goes on and on. But putting all that aside, if I have made one good choice, it was going to California that day in January. I didn't go for the right reason, but once I got there, the Lord took hold of my life. He opened my eyes to all I was doing and truly broke me in every area of my life. I learned what it meant to surrender and wait on Him, and what a hard lesson it was. You see, the Lord isn't finished with me yet. He has so much planned on this journey ahead. I am still learning what a blessing it is to be able to walk with the Lord, and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for my life.

As this chapter of my life ends, a new one begins. A new season of learning and growing and falling more in love with my creator. It's one more season I get to worship and glorify the name of my God. A time that I can take what I have learned and apply it and pour out onto this gulf coast town I call home. See, God is just getting started with me. Just wait and see:)

2Cor. 12:9

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

His name.

Why am I so afraid of the night
A silhouette it taunts me
My lack of faith in this beautiful life
My knowing of it haunts me
I'm haunted
And I know I should be afraid
Lay awake at night
Cry and know it's not alright
To feel like your falling into nothing
You can learn to fly
Just call His name
Just call His name
Suddenly I wonder why I feel so alone
I know there's something out there
Thought I'd suck it up and do it all on my own
Wish I'd known he does care
I'm hanted
And I know I should be afraid
Lay awake at night
Cry and know it's not alright
To feel like your falling into nothing
You can learn to fly
Just call His name
Just call His name
Wherever we go
Call out His name
Lift up our hands
Completely ashamed
Give it all up
Dropping our pride
Rip us apart
Change us on the inside
We cry out to You
We fall
Change us please
Lay awake at night
Cry and know it's not alright
To feel like your falling into nothing
You can learn to fly
Cry and know it's not alright
To feel like your falling into nothing
You can learn to fly
Cry and know it's not alright
You can learn to fly

He is we. His Name.

This is life.

After being at Bible College for the past few months, my life is different. In every aspect, I am different. My life has drastically changed through the environment I am placed in, the people I am around, and the knowledge I am constantly being fed. The Lord is truly great. He restores, heals, and renews more than you or I could every imagine or truly understand. At the time I came to be here, at CCBC, I was so broken in every portion of my little life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, I was crushed beyond belief. Decisions that I had made in my life and situations I had put myself through, took a toll on me; and while I suffered, so did my relationship with my First Love. Dwindling to just short of nothing, I had walked away from Truth, from Hope, from the Promises i had once clung to with everything. I was captured by condemnation with no visible way of escape. I truly believed the lies Satan fed me; that the Lord couldn't use me, that He didn't want my heart, that I was too far gone. I remember waking up one morning thinking, it shouldn't be this hard, that life shouldn't hurt this much. Yet no one knew the hurt I felt because I hid it so well. I would put on the face, the lie, and go about my day. This continual process sucked everything out of me. Joy and hope were things of distant memories never to be toyed with again; or so I thought.

What I have learned, more than anything, is that the Lord LOVES YOU! I will say it again, He Loves you so much. No matter where you have been, or how far you have wandered, He has been there right behind you. All you have to do is turn around, and He is right there. You see, God has such a wonderful, divine plan for you. He wants to use the mistakes and the failures and the brokenness in your life to fulfill His works. In this way, His glory is manifested. I remember the day everything started to click for me, to really make sense. I had grown up "knowing" the Word, knowing what is said, but I never really had revelation knowledge. My Romans teacher, Dave Shirley, taught in a way I had never heard before. For me, it was like I was hearing brand new information. He taught that we, as God's children, were in Christ at the time of His crucifixion. We get this act of incredible love credited to our account. See, in the Lord's eyes, we can NEVER be as guilty as His Son. His perfect Son who took on the sins of the world to be judged for us. How mind-blowing is it to think that the Lord sees us s worthy? Okay, I'm getting off on a tangent. Here is the overview of what I am trying to convey here; Jesus took on the sin of the world, past, present, and future. The Lord judged Him and poured out His wrath until He was satisfied. Here's the crazy part, we can never be as guilty as Jesus. Never. Because we have the ultimate price paid by Christ credited to our accounts, we can never be condemned. How ultimately sweet is that?!?!

Dave Shirley said in that same class that, we are never more right with the Lord than right now. This very moment, He sees you as purified, justified, sanctified, and being glorified. That is truly amazing. It rocked my world! See, I had never been taught no condemnation in Christ, so to think that despite all my screw-ups, He still could use me, was mesmerizing. I started thinking, if you really know and understand His perfect love for you, how can you not want to share that?! Through many more classes like this one and truly grasping just a hint God's endless love, I have been restored. He has changed my life dramatically. In my brokenness, He was my healing, in my sorrow, my joy, and in my weakness, my strength. I have learned that the things we have done do not define us. Our pasts are not who we are. We are pure. We are righteous. We are exactly what He wants to use. So this is life. Beautiful redeemed, forgiven life. In the joy, in the sorrow, in the darkness, and in the light, He is with you always!

2 Corinthians 12:9

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.

West coast.

For those of you who don't know, I am presently residing on the west coast. Yes, California. I am attending the Calvary Chapel Bible College in Murrieta California. It was a very last-minute decision and not that any people were informed. So, no you didn't miss anything, I just didn't tell anyone. After this past semester ended, I felt left with no direction, lacking motivation. I had no drive to do anything and no desire to keep going to school. In short, I was drained; physically, mentally, and spiritually. My parents suggested I go to Bible College for a semester to refresh and get a glimpse of what God has for my life. So at the last possible minute, as always, I applied and to my surprise, was accepted. So no more than two weeks later, I was on a plane on my way here, to California. At this season in my life, I chose to sanctify my life. Set it apart and let God do what He will. So much has happened to me in the past few years. I've done a lot of growing up, a lot of walking away. It's far beyond the time to come back, to fall back in love with my Creator. To grow so passionate once again about my first Love, the Lord! The Murrieta campus is truly sanctified from the world. You can feel God on every inch of the grounds. Such a peace is present in every building, every room. It's truly refreshing. The Lord knows what we need far beyond any of our expectations. Although we think we know what we need, God has so much more than we could dream. I've only been here a few days, but spending time in the Word on a constant basis has already effected my life. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me this semester. I know it will exceed all of my expectations!

Until then,

Rachel

It's just the beginning.

2011. It's here. Long-awaited, and it came too quickly. 2010 was a year packed full of everything life could bring. The good and the bad, this past year was emotional, stressful, beautiful, full of change, and realization of many things. It seems like as I grow up, each year passes more quickly. Time seems to fly by me and sometimes I feel as if I blink, I will miss it. Whatever "it" is. 2010 brought a lot my way and at times I felt as if life handed me too much.

In the past year I've learned that people are just people. They let you down, change their minds, grow up, grow apart, disappoint and hurt you. People are just that, people. Imperfect, human, incapable of perfection. I've learned to not hold people to a standard that they are unable to reach. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have faith in people, but simply that to not expect everything all the time. I've realized that God is the only one that without fail, will never disappoint you, let you down, or leave you for anything. He will never change, He will never stop loving you.

On a more positive note, I've also grown closer to some people. Some friendships have become stronger, some relationships solidified. I've learned that it's okay to open up to people, to let them in a little. For the longest time, I was so afraid to let people in for fear of being hurt. When you let a person really know you, you are vulnerable; and that scared me. However, there have been a few people that do truly know me, and I think that has made all the difference. Those few relationships have made me a stronger person, have helped me grow up, and move past all the crap that sometimes comes. I've learned that although people may hurt you, that is not all they are capable of. They encourage you, love you, hold your hand when you need it, and can help you get through some of the hardest times. I'm so thankful that God has put the people in my life that He did. Though it has not been without a few falls, my life has become fuller through it all.

So now for the future. 2011 holds so much for me, I'm sure. Good, bad, lovely, and so much more. This year, I want to begin to figure out who I really am supposed to be. What God has for my life is sure to be radical and better than anything I could hope for. This year is just the beginning. My life is just getting started. Things are going to change, I can feel it. I can't wait to experience this life with all that it has to offer. I know it won't all be easy, because my life never is, but in the end, it will be so worth it. This year will go by faster than the one before and I intend to suck every moment out of it that I can. For now, enjoy the newness of the year, because it's just the beginning.